Malice, Ontario — A rising bodyshop has unveiled a new strategy to their sophisticated operations running at full speed: tasking house pets to manage and lead shops from the front.
Located just outside the town of Malice, Ont., Paint and Pawlish is a unique business under unique management, whose Google reviews vary from the bemusing “bestest boy, 10/10 would recommend” to the vitriolic “I just want to connect to a person on the line, 1/10.”
We sat down with Pancakes, manager of Paint and Pawlish Auto Repair and a proud first-generation bodyshop owner. Following a bizarre mix-up at the Ontario Office of Inheritance, he found himself with a collision repair centre under his name.
He now manages the shop, taking calls and motivating his staff in a distinctly Malicious manner.
We spoke with Pancakes, with the shop’s head estimator Ron serving as an interpreter, as Pancakes is a Yorkshire Terrier and cannot speak the human tongue.
Collision Repair: How are you doing today, Pancakes? How is business?
Pancakes/Ron: Things are good around the shop, though we have been having trouble holding onto our technicians, as has much of the industry.
CR: Yes, we hear this a lot. Do you think this is due to discontentment among staff surrounding stagnant labour rates?
PR: Ankle bites, actually.
CR: Excuse me?
PR: Ankle bites. You work slow, you get a chomp. I don’t make the rules.
CR: Well, surely a manager does make the rules…but anyway. I know your shop is a part of a few DRPs, how has that been going?
PR: All gone.
CR: Seriously? That’s a pretty big move. Whose decision was that?
PR: Ultimately? A series of professional mediators and a judge. Things really started to go downhill when they accused me of barking at them over the phone though. That’s just offensive.
CR: I won’t lie, that does sound like something you would do.
PR: This interview is over.
CR: Great. Thank you, Pancakes. This was a waste of time, as usual.
PR: *Bites reporter’s ankle*
