CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?!

February 10, 2023

BMW’S BFF

You’re lying if you say you’ve never talked to yourself. Seriously—have you never rattled off a story or idea while alone in the comfort of your own car? If you’re of the majority, be forewarned; your car may soon speak back to you. BMW unveiled a talking concept car at the Consumer Experience Show this January, equipped with a digital assistant the OEM has dubbed ‘Dee’—which stands for digital emotional experience. “She’s a digital companion that interacts emotionally with you,” says BMW. “The ultimate companion, Dee has a voice full of personality that can also be heard outside the vehicle. She intelligently responds to you and the surroundings.”

FEELINGS ON FIRE

In the latest installment of the Florida Man Chronicles, an inebriated culprit turns himself in for “doing stupid things.” After departing a local bar on December 7, police say an intoxicated Florida man sauntered down the street to find an unaccompanied police patrol car— which he promptly set on fire, using garbage from a nearby dumpster and a lighter. He fled the scene, but returned several minutes later to confess his crime, citing he “felt bad” and that he does “stupid things when drinking.” The arsonist maintains that he merely happened to choose a police car to set ablaze; “it may as well have been a minivan,” he told police.

CHEESED

You’ve probably heard of people leaving notes to indicate a driver’s poor parking skills. Some drivers even keep a handy business card-sized stack in their glove box to exercise their entitlement everywhere they go. Others take it one step further and make threats—cheesy ones, at that. A driver was left surprised when they returned to their vehicle to find a note threatening to “line [their] car with slices of cheese” if they ever dared to take up two spots again. While this magazine cannot confirm whether the recipient of said note was lactose intolerant; we can assume they were based on the angered reaction.

DIRTY DEEDS

A U.K. car leasing company issued a seasonal warning last month, cautioning drivers to think twice before scrawling ‘Wash Me’ on salt-stained vehicles this winter. Select Car Leasing says U.K. offenders could be prosecuted for their pranks. “Some motorists go to great lengths to protect their paintwork. There’s a whole car detailing scene where enthusiasts swap advice on how to clean, polish and protect the paint on their pride and joy,” said Graham Conway, the company’s managing director. “Swirling your finger in that muck can scratch the paintwork—especially if you catch your fingertip as you write.” Further, if enough pressure is applied while the wrongdoer leaves their message, a “ghost of a word” can be left on the paint, “even after the owner washes the car,” stressed Conway.